Can We Ever Benefit From A Flame War? I Say…Maybe.

There were a number of lessons coming from that interaction. I’m not at all surprised there were a few more folks interested in you and your works coming out of that. As it should be!

I’ve been commenting on the Huffington Post for about seven years now, and–as sometimes happens with differences of opinion–have gotten into a number of exchanges. I very rarely simply say things on a subject when I don’t know that subject, and when I do, I’m ready to hear an opposing viewpoint, and evaluate that. When someone goes in with an uninformed opinion that they are determined to defend at any cost, they’re failing their own potential to learn. Of course when folks resort to ad hominem attacks, they’re most likely not ready to learn anyway.

I think you’re right. As long as you aren’t looking for a battle, people aren’t going to ding you for standing up for yourself…quite the opposite. Maintaining class and decorum, and waging a reasoned campaign to sway a person is a much better “flame” war than mind numbing name calling and haranguing an opponent. Too many folks already do the mockery rather than reasoning and that my friend is why we have a divided country today. Most people would make a rational choice when given a chance. When there’s de-evolution involved between to others the outside folks looking in will walk away…unless one side is reasoned. In that case they will walk your way.

I think the key here was to use facts rather than inane insults. You were only standing up for yourself, and what you believe in but for an entire community. Attacking a community with no or wrong facts at best will spark a protest. That was probably one of the times it was best for someone, anyone to step in in a logical fashion. The same would be true if someone posted or tweeted saying that murder should be legal (an extreme example).

One of the best pieces of advice I ever received: When you’re advocating for yourself, pretend you’re advocating for someone more vulnerable. Last year I ran into a situation about which I felt morally bound to speak out. I gathered my thoughts and told the little Laura that used to cry on the playground when the mean girl made fun of her corrective shoes to stand behind the grown-up Laura. I made my case, though I didn’t sway enough opinions to enact change.

Sure, there were benefits. I gained not only respect from others that agreed with me, but also grudging respect from those that disagreed. More importantly, I could sleep at night. Most importantly, my kids and hubby were impressed with me.

I get feeling non-confrontational. Really. I hate conflict–sometimes I even tear up when my kids argue. But sometimes you have to stand up because it’s the right thing to do, consequences be damned. You weren’t involved in a personal defense. You were advocating for an industry. “Pick your battles” is a wonderful concept, but once you’ve chosen one, sure, bring your metaphoric flame-thrower to the AO.

If you are going to do battle, it’s great to phrase your opening salvo along the lines of “Generalizing that ‘all self-published books are rubbish’ is like saying that all editors-in-chief shouldn’t write ignorant commentary.” You go girl!

Laura Hedgecock
http://www.TreasureChestofMemories.com
http://www.twitter.com/LauraLHedgecock

This was a good thought provoking article. It is hard sometimes to hold your “keys” to yourself, when you read certain inflammatory comments…especially about indie publishing. We all try our best and some are admittedly better than others at doing it… one time I made the mistake of saying something on Amazon… eek gads…within 24 hours I was forced to delete my comment… anyway… I’m glad you did it. Sometimes, you really do have to just speak up and roll with it. GOOD FOR YOU:)!!!!

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